Praise & Endorsements
Table of Contents
 

“This book is charming and delightful. But mostly, it’s just damn smart!”
—Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness

“One of the most needed and important books for our time and for everyone.” —Warren  Bennis, author of On Becoming a Leader

“A gleaming model of social insight and  scientific engagement. Make no mistake, you need to read this  book.”  —Robert B. Cialdini, author of Influence, Science and  Practice

#1 2008 best-selling book on Dr. Michael Eades’ Health & Nutrition blog, MD’s blog, and the Protein Power website

We are all capable of believing things which we know to be untrue, and then, when we are finally proved wrong, impudently twisting the facts so as to show that we were right.  Intellectually, it is possible to carry on this process for an indefinite time: the only check on it is that sooner or later a false belief bumps up against solid reality, usually on a battlefield.

—George Orwell (1946)

A great nation is like a great man:
When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
Having realized it, he admits it.
Having admitted it, he corrects it.
He considers those who point out his faults
as his most benevolent teachers.

—Stephen Mitchell’s modern translation of the Tao Te Ching, in homage to Lao Tzu  (ca. 500 B.C.)

At some point we all make a bad decision, do something that harms another person, or cling to an outdated belief.  When we do, we strive to reduce the cognitive dissonance that results from feeling that we, who are smart, moral, and right, just did something that was dumb, immoral, or wrong.

Whether the consequences are trivial or tragic, it is difficult, and for some people impossible, to say, “I made a terrible mistake.” The higher the stakes—emotional, financial, moral—the greater that difficulty. Self-justification, the hardwired mechanism that blinds us to the possibility that we were wrong, has benefits: It lets us sleep at night and keeps us from torturing ourselves with regrets. But it can also block our ability to see our faults and errors. It legitimizes prejudice and corruption, distorts memory, and generates anger and rifts. It can keep prosecutors from admitting they put an innocent person in prison and from correcting that injustice, and it can keep politicians unable to change disastrous policies that cost billions of dollars and thousands of lives. In our private lives, it can be the death of love.

Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) examines:

• Why we have so much trouble accepting information that conflicts with a belief we “know for sure” is right.
• The brain’s “blind spots” that make us unable to see our own prejudices, biases, corrupting influences, and hypocrisies.
• Why our memories tell more about what we believe now than what really happened then.
• How couples can break out of the spiral of blame and defensiveness.
• The evil that men and women can do in the name of God, country, and justice -- and why they don’t see their actions as evil at all.
• Why random acts of kindness create a “virtuous cycle” that perpetuates itself.

Most of all, this book explains how all of us can learn to own up and let go of the need to be right, and learn from the times we are wrong—so that we don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

PAPERBACK EDITION

One of Amazon’s Best Business Books of 2008

Amazon five-star review,
January 10, 2010
By David Larson “Dave”
(Philadelphia, PA) -
This book is amazing because as you read it you go through three distinct stages of understanding.

Stage 1 (50 pages in)
You say to yourself: “Wow, I know quite a few people who are making the mistakes described in this book.”

Stage 2 (halfway through)
You say to yourself: “Wow, EVERY single person I know is making the mistakes described in this book.”

Stage 3 (by the time you finish the book)
You say to yourself: “Wow, I myself have been making the mistakes described in this book, and I didn’t even realize it.”